It seems that for the last few weeks my nights have been sleepless. Booted-up. Questioning the deepest motivations that have brought me to this junction in life. The brainwaves have been electric. Vibrant images of the lows and highs of a 30-year career in advertising. My role as husband, father, friend and communicator. I’ve reflected on the triumphs of the cards that have been dealt me, as well as the tragedies, pains and rejections of life’s lessons.
52 years I have walked planet Earth and there is one thing I cannot deny: over the last 21 months I have developed a much greater clarity of purpose and perspective toward my fellow human– something that I will forever be thankful for. A growth of heart that must be credited to the September 2011 daily blog commitment that has brought us to this point.
There is no going back now, and although my outreach (no… our outreach) has undergone a slight loss of outward momentum (due to a 9 month pause in activity), we are only at the starting gates of where we can go and what we can do.
The wonderment of it all is that it is not of myself that I come to this clarifying intersection. I ask for no credit, and must acknowledge the true motivation of why I am committing a great portion of my life to sharing what I can. What I feel is privileged. Privileged to have met so many unique people. People who have bravely opened their lives to us by allowing their words and photos to be published. The glimpse they have given us has opened our eyes, hearts and minds to consider not simply our commonalities, but to embrace our differences.
Lately, I’ve been re-editing our one-year of daily entries and it’s been a while since I have reviewed any of them. In reading these daily accounts, the soul of our origin has been reignited in me. So many amazing stories… so many trusting people… and so many moments of deeply shared emotions. Some days were difficult… others brilliant… and many unifying beyond expression.
I’ll admit, I’m not certain how fast we will advance our mission of unity, and I have to confess that for the past several months my strategic mind has overcome my intuitive self. With this, I feel I must apologize for perhaps trying too hard to qualify the next steps in growing Operation 365. Sure, we must set goals, but I’m re-examining what those goals are and how to enact their advancement. So its time to reset. Not with tactics or promotional blurbs, but with clear emotional channels. The ones that have made us who we are.
It’s a scary thing standing on the soapbox of change, especially when it starts to hit you in your pocketbook and pushes you to ponder your purpose in life. I’ve spent a career working in an industry that demands all of a person’s essence. One that is highly competitive and gregariously hungry for fresh approaches to process, personas and point of view. A career that has been good to me, but has also has consumed the greatest part of my life for three decades. The pressures to stay grounded both financially and spiritually are great. Yet strangely enough… for the one year I lost myself in meeting strangers, everything just seemed to work out. The more I put my worries aside, choosing to acknowledge the little voice in my head that said, “Don’t focus on yourself… You’ll be OK. Just love those around you… no matter who they are,” the more my family was provided.
Over that year, my business held it’s own, my maturity grew and my desire to think not of myself became subtext to my interpretation of the world. I worried less of income, barely promoted my work, and lost myself in listening without pre-conception.
So what in the heck is going on now? Why is the fear growing again, and how have I come to the point of sleepless nights? I look at my family, wondering if I’m gambling away our security with my dreams of 365. And there have been moments of paralysis. But this evening I think I am receiving some sort of revelation that has returned me to my senses. I’m back my friend’s. Starting this month, I’ll again start hitting the streets in quest of meeting more strangers and sharing their stories.
I guess I have tried way too hard to package things perfectly, and in doing so have unintentionally delayed the most important aspect of what we are doing. That is to just reach to one another in the whole spirit of solidarity.
You most likely have seen my proposed grand idea, “The Motorhome Chronicles.” A very expensive proposition, and by the looks of its funding success (or lack thereof), quite possibly a bit ahead of its time. Although, if it does happen you can count on me to give it 100% effort.
So here we are… together again. My wish is, that with you, we can continue to fight off the shackles of fear. My strategic hat is retiring and my chin is raising away from the spreadsheet to again look at the world. The reflection in the mirror is telling me to close the laptop and to focus on the pure intent of us. And, in good conscience I must follow my inner self.
Per “The Motorhome Chronicles” Kickstarter, I’ll play the promotion through and keep reporting on its progress, but it will be in the background to our much more important mission, one that I will do my part in contributing to. It’s time to use the full bandwidth of my realistic resources and to re-embrace my Los Angeles community. It is rich in diversity and has served us well. I’m sure when the time is right the means will present themselves in allowing me to report from within other boarders.
Keep watch my friends. Our chins are raising, and the world is coming into focus. Time to once again say, “Hello!”
We were once strangers… now we are friends. Feels so good to be back!